So Tired Of Life
Hi, I don’t know why I’m writing my story. I’m not asking for any advice, but I thank everyone who will spend her time to read it.
I’m so tired of fighting my way in this world that I decided to surrender. I don’t have any courage left. Let’s start from the beginning. I had never had a relationship in the past just to avoid being hurt. I was very cautious because I’m a very sensitive person. I even avoided having a relationship with any girl whenwe were both attracted to each other because I thought that it wouldn’t have a happy ending. I just preferred to stay friends so I wouldn’t lose her. All this until a few years ago when I met that special girl. I had the same fear so I avoided turning our friendship into a relationship although there was an “electric feeling” in the air. But after 2 years of very close friendship it turned to the best romantic feeling without any of us knowing how. It was the best feeling I ever felt, but there was a strong opposition from our families. Nobody understood us, not even our brothers and sisters. So, we continued our relationship always hiding. More than a year later this situation got us very tired. She told me that she couldn’t keep living like that. We couldn’t even phone each other in front of our families. 2 years ago she met a guy that her sister introduced to her and in no time they got in a full relationship. He had full support from her family and just 20 days ago they got married. But even just days before their wedding she was still stealing every moment she could to meet me secretly, to hold my hand and call me “her baby”. She told me that she would always keep me in her heart and never forget our moments. The whole situation tore me apart in a thousand pieces.
I learned of her other relationship in last November and I couldn’t eat or sleep for the next 2 months. In January I lost my job, they owe me 12 salaries and they don’t want to pay me. But with all these things happening almost simultaneously I don’t have any mood to press them.
So, now I’m completely exhausted, tired of living this life. Everyday I’m telling myself “another miserable day of my miserable life has passed”. I don’t want to do things that I did when I was in college, like cutting myself with razors, drinking alcohol all night long, driving to nowhere in the night and crossing red lights without looking, etc.
I can’t go to a shrink to ask for help, because I live in a small town and everyone would notice that and make bad comments about me and my family. Beside that, I don’t think that I want to get any help. The only good thing is that my friends don’t give up on me. I haven’t called any of them for years but they’re still calling me and pressing me to go out with them.
Now I’ve lost her (but still communicate with her although my friends tell me to leave her completely), without job, having almost daily fights with my family, especially with my mom (I lost my dad at the age of 15), so, I’ve decided to give up! I can’t do it anymore. It’s far harder for my strengths. I feel like being born at a wrong time, on a wrong planet. I hate my life! I have a strange feeling that only death will liberate me.
I’m so tired…
Wanting To Date
Well, I’d really like to meet some girls but I don’t know how. I’m only 16 so I can’t go to lesbian clubs or anything like that. I did go to gay pride but I was currently dating a girl then so I was latched on to her, so I didn’t meet anyone. I met my ex on MySpace but I doubt I’ll find a girl that way again. So what do I do?
My Coming Out Story… Or Not
Hi! I don’t really know how to do this… This would be the first time I write a post and participate in a blog. I’ll start by saying I’m a gold star lesbian and I’ve been in a relationship with my first and only girl for almost four years now. The truth is, I’M NOT OUT. No one knows I’m a lesbian except for my girl and me. I come from a totally homophobic family. Just to give you an example, I’ve got a little sister and she’s been taken out of the school she was attending because one of her teachers was gay. Yes, that was the reason why…
Anyway, the real purpose of my post is to set all my feelings free since I’m desperate and I guess this is normal. I’m coming out to YOU! I’m 23 and I feel I’ve come to a point at which I just need to say I’m a lesbian, at least to someone else apart from my partner! It really tears me apart not being able to share this with my closest friends and family. The thing is that in the society I live in, being gay or a lesbian in not at all accepted.
Although you don’t know me or my name or anything, it’s taken me more than 6 years to come to terms with myself and realise I’m not ill as everyone may say in my country. Though this “coming-out-to-you” thing may seem silly to you, it means a lot to me. I feel so breathless sometimes because I’m not able to set myself free from all this I’m going through. I know for certain that my family will deny my existence if they knew I’m a lez girl. At times I feel like shouting “I’M A LESBIAN”, but then, social constraints chase me and I’ve come to accept that, for the time being, I can only share this with my partner, whose social and family backgrounds are ever more “traditional”. All her family is really narrow-minded when it comes to this subject. I feel so tied and frustrated… But I’m in love and that’s what matters, right?
Well, I think I’ve more or less said everything I wanted to. Thanks a lot for reading this and taking the time to pay some attention to this desperate lesbian. I really appreciate this. I want to apologize for any mistakes you may have found (English is my second language). I would really love to read comments on my situation and see if there’s anyone going through something similar to this.
Thanks again.
Till next time.
New Friends…
I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend and although I have a large group of friends they are all straight. My old gay friends have moved cities, due to jobs, family and travel and I feel very lonely. I’m a very femme lesbian and I find it very hard to be accepted as gay when I do go out as they assume I’m just another straight girl within a group of them… Do you have any suggestions as to where I can meet new people in the North of England?
Does She Like Me?
Hi there! I’m 16 and I am totally sure that I am bisexual, and have just come out to my best friend. I like girls more than guys, and so far she is the only one who knows. All my friends joke about the possibility of me being bi, but I usually just laugh it off and they move on. I go to an all girls school, and this year I started hanging out with a girl who was in a few of my classes. The problem is, I think I’ve totally fallen for her.
We are getting closer to each other; we hug each other hello and goodbye and talk on the phone quite a bit. Just recently she got a boyfriend, and I think she’s straight. Sometimes I think that when she holds my hand as we walk to class that it might be a sign, but then I think I might just be kidding myself. I was wondering, what are the normal signs that girls give when they like you but don’t know how to say it?
So that’s just my first problem; the second is that I’m not sure how to come out to everyone. I’m well aware of the extreme homophobia at my school - just the other week a gay friend of mine was pushed down the stairs and yelled at with insulting things. My friends used to ask me quite a bit if I was gay - I think I had that vibe or something. But I just kept saying no, because at that time I was still confused. Now I want to tell them, but I feel that it’s like going back on my word. Am I going crazy?
Is there a right time to tell people? I often think that I should wait for a relationship with another girl before I tell people, so I have proof - you see I have ‘gone out’ with a few guys previously but never kissed them, and I’ve never been out with a girl. But until then I am being swallowed up by wanting this girl - she’s all I think about! Please help, if don’t do something about her soon then I’ll go mad!
Straight Girl Blues
I am just out of a long term gay relationship and have found myself pretty crazy about a straight girl. I have tried to kiss her etc. but she always says she is straight. She provokes me quite a lot always, walking around naked and sometimes we sleep together but she still refuses any advances. We go everywhere together and really love each others company. She doesn’t and hasn’t had a boyfriend in years and deep down I have always felt she is in love with me. She said to a group of friends that she is maybe bisexual. However I am getting pretty frustrated and would like some advice about what to do and whether I should (don’t think I can!) walk away.
What’s My Problem?
I think I have a problem. I’m attracted to one woman one day then another the next. But the thing is that I don’t stop going from one to the other until I get them in bed, which lately it’s very often. I tell the girl the world just to get her to sleep with me, then she thinks we are dating then I leave her for the next “victim”. I lie to them all unconsciously at the time but later realize it. I will tell a girl anything and everything she wants to hear to get her to “fall” for me. I feel like one of those jerk guys who always does this to the girls like in the movies.
I haven’t always done this, but I think I do it because I’m afraid to fall for anyone. I fell in love once and got my heart broken and since then I have been like this. I have feelings for this one woman but it’s something impossible, but if I could have her she’s the only one I would want to be with and everyone else to me isn’t good enough, just good enough to sleep with. The reason I say she’s impossible is because she’s straight and married with kids. If someone could give me advice as to whether or not this is healthy not or what I should do.
The Lesbian… Exercises?
Ok, somebody must have come across this problem before. So as weird as I feel posting it, here’s hoping.
I am recently out (and about) and just started dating another woman seriously for the first time. And of course being that we’re both women and both new to this the sex is out of this world… and also sometimes a little awkward.
There is one thing specifically I am having trouble with. Please help me.
I love finger-f***ing my girlfriend, and well she loves it too, (apparently I’m good at it) that is until I start having this awful pain in my wrist. It sort of starts just below my knuckles and continues down just past the wrist bone, and it’s particularly bad where my thumb meets my wrist. At first I just ignored it but it gets worse as time goes on, to the point where it’s shaky the next day. (And yeah, it still happens when I switch hands.)
I’m not willing to give up this technique yet; there must be something I can do to improve the strength in my wrists and hands. There must be lesbian exercises I have never heard of. Can anyone give me some advice for this problem? (And please, I know I can try other techniques and will be in the meanwhile, so I’m not looking for suggestions there. I’m just hoping for help with this one.)
Please help me before I migrate this question over to the carpal tunnel web forum and make up some silly story about why my wrist hurts…. thank you!
I Think I Love Her… Will She Give Me A Chance?
I am in my early 20’s, my personal and religious beliefs have always been pretty conservative… not passed on from my family. I have always been a tomboy, playing sports, learning about cars, just about anything hands-on or outdoors. My focus has never been on relationships… rather school, work, my future, etc. which has made me into an amazing friend; I’m extremely loving and loyal toward my closest friends. After graduating college I went to Europe as sort of a “find myself” trip and followed it with a move to New York.
I’m pretty sure I’ve always been bi-curious but I’ve never had true sexual or emotional feelings toward other women. My best guy friend from college is gay and I’ve had a couple bi/lesbian friends over the years and even in conversation they didn’t feel I was of “bi-tendencies” so I just left it as is. I’ve dated a few men and have met a few that I would’ve been willing to settle down with, but have never been in a true relationship. And now I’ve come across a situation I can’t figure out.
Back home I was very involved in a church group which allowed me to hangout and network with other young singles. Within the past year I met a women who I had started becoming pretty good friends with, I found her to be beautiful but nothing more in attraction. She has many attributes that attract me and a young daughter that I love. I was invited on a camping trip along with a couple of my close friends who were not able to make it and a few of her co-workers. We set up camp late in the evening and started off the night with plenty to drink. By the end of the night she and I remained with two of the guys out by the fire… there was a moment lost where as if I awoke from a dream and found that she had kissed me, twice for that matter so I knew it was real, I held her hand and as we laid together in my tent she held mine. Up till this point I thought nothing of the act and posed it as just another drunken action, until the following morning… no, nothing happened, but there was a moment when she got up to leave the tent where she paused, turned, and gave me a “hidden” or “secret” smile…. and from that moment on I’ve had mixed but strong feelings for her.
The day went on as it would’ve, great fun amongst friends and once again that night around the fire we held hands, kissed and lay together before we slept. Following, we still went out as friends and nothing more.
Following my graduation party there was a little play and I kissed her once again and pursued her, I stayed with her that night and things were still fine the next morning… and the alone time we had on a few other outings. On a phone call we decided that it was a great weekend and even following but we didn’t want to harm our friendship. Problem is, I’ve fallen. I’ve never felt love like this and knowing the sacrifices are great. She is a mother, hard-worker and student in her late 30’s with an ex-husband to deal with. I am living in a place of abundant opportunities, looking for a job, trying to start a new life. But over the time I spent in Europe and since I have come to discover… I love her. I would love nothing more than to be with her, put a roof over her head, put her through school and one day her daughter; I want to be her provider.
Now, how do I tell her I am in love with her if I’m pretty certain she will never speak to me again? I’m torn on what to do. My heart pulls in two different directions and I would give up the future I’ve always worked for, settle back home and create my future with her. I’m not perfect nor is she but I’m willing to try. I need some new perspective on this. What do you think I should do?
Straight-curious
Hello everyone. I am your everyday, stereotypical lesbian. I was a tomboy growing up, played numerous sports (am an athlete), and even attended an all-women’s college. Oh and I’m a gold star lesbian to boot! Now here’s my dilemma: I’m in a relationship with my girl for almost 5 months. We’re happy and we get along great! Recently however, I’ve been thinking…. what’s it like to have sex with a man? Am I missing out or is it the same as strap on?? Just so you know, I’ve never fantasized about having sex with men (never even been attracted to them), although I am curious on how it would feel. I’m usually the type of person who would try anything once, but not sure if it’s worth risking my relationship just to satisfy this curiosity of mine. I’ve never discussed this with anyone, because it is kind of embarrassing to admit.
Is this normal for me to be thinking this way? Are there any gold star lesbians out there who have thought about sleeping with a man? Should I break up with my girlfriend and explore a bit? Or is it a dumb idea? I probably won’t do it, since I don’t even think I have the guts to solicit sex from random men lol! But I can’t help thinking if I could live my whole life without ever trying it, you know? Your thoughts?
